Stop asking if I have moved on, because you will just get disappointed if I give you an honest answer. I am no longer trying to move to a place where most people want me to, I have become almost friends with this monstrous pain I feel inside me, and I discovered that the more I try to forget, the more I remember. It is such an absurdity that the things I did to get better turned out to be the very reasons why I have not gotten there.
He is gone, and the sad thing is that he is not completely gone, he may have ceased to exist in my life. but I do know that he still is breathing in the same world where I am struggling to get by, the world that suffocates me, the world that kills me each time I hear his name. Why can't he be completely gone? Why did he have to exist in the first place? I fucking hate that things in life do not last, I hate that you have to be careful each time because you are not sure when life will decide to fuck you up again.
They say pain is inevitable, I say fuck pain! How many times will I have to break like this until I am completely wrecked? At night I sleep thinking that I am in so much pain and agony, then wake up realizing that I am still alive- not completely ruined because I still function. I am in so much fucking pain but it does not kill me! Now help me, and rate how fucked up is that? I want this to end, but I am tired of trying, so I'll just wait for the crow to feed on my dying but will not be dead soul.
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