Today I set sail in the ocean of my own salty tears. It is hope that fucks you up forever. I hate how much I tried to believe every word you say, all the things you make me believe in. I wonder how much evil there is in people to have the heart to break someone to the bones. I cannot fathom how much a person has break for him to wreck others even more. I seat here over the pile of pain I feel over a person who will not just let me let him go. I tried a number of times to cut ties and not speak to and of him again, each try's a failure and each time's a test. How much longer can I still bleed?
The death of him is the death of my desire- this is not just one of my stupid fights in love or whatever this is. This one's a different one- well they all are, but this person is someone I'd really let myself die and cry about. He has killed me, and ironically I still have not died the legit death yet. I fcking wanna scream and just throw all of the pain I have in my heart! I just want to tell him how much I want to just stop and not feel for him anymore- but no, deep in the depths of my hurt is a heart that still wants to understand, a heart that still will believe all the obvious lies and excuses. Every bit of me would still want to want whatever is left of us.
I need help, I badly need a help out of this sinkhole, I need a way out of this- I've cave in so much I no longer know how to rise up from this. How much more do I need to stomach to finally let go and accept that some battles cannot be won by continuously fighting- I need to realize that this one's a battle that I would have won in if I had only given up from the first sign of defeat.
This is not the post we just put a conclusion on, in fact this post doesn't need adieu at all. So no- this post will keep going. till the next time I allow him to hurt me again and fool me again- this will keep going unless I get myself to stop whatever it is I do to crazy myself over this asshole. Wait till the next time---- Coz fuckups don't just happen in St. Valentine's Day.
Keep crying it doesn't matter- you don't matter. Sucks to be you.
Keep crying it doesn't matter- you don't matter. Sucks to be you.
